Introduction
Every Friday night we do Celebrate Recovery at our church. This is a program for those afflicted with "hurts, habits, and hang-ups." Every other week we have a testimony, and then, on the off weeks, we have a lesson. When the testimonies are given, they are written up and read. We like to keep them simple, direct, and to the point. Here is a testimony we had not too long ago, written by Beatrice in her own words.
Beatrice Cassada
Testimony for CR
“In Obedience to God”
Jesus heals, saves and changes a women like me! This is my experience of how Jesus changed me. The Bible verse that best describes my story is 1 John 1:9 which says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
At the age of seven, I was experiencing living in a dysfunctional family. I was being hurt emotionally, verbally, physically, mentally and sexually. I experienced abandonment, neglect, sadness, and rejection. I received no affection for physical love or contact. When I did have my mother’s love, my abusers took it away each and every moment they could.
My mother did keep me aware at different times of my life that God is real and alive and powerful. I did experience God in my childhood, even though I sometimes didn’t understand it all. And the devil, who is the father of lies that came to kill and destroy what God has created, introduced his evil poison, sin, resentment and unforgiveness into my life. This caused me to live rebellious and to feel intensely my past hurts. I got introduced to sin and more sin and self-destruction settled in real quickly. At age thirteen I started smoking cigarettes and being a part of a group of friends who were a bad influence. Through this group I was physically attacked many times. I experienced more sexual abuse - I was raped. It was very hurtful and traumatic to me and I was full of fear. I ran away from home and my family. I escaped into a more severe and extremely confusing, painful and dangerous lifestyle, which only led to more hurt and pain. At fourteen, I started smoking marijuana and got addicted to the things that hurt me. I was trying to escape emotional hurt and pain.
I had children at a very young age - being a child myself. I had no childhood really. It was stolen from me and then I was a mom myself. With addiction problems and really being a child myself, this was not good. I graduated on to stronger drugs and alcohol abuse. I was a runaway, a gang member and all kinds of degenerates took me in. I was a rebel child against God and family and all others who had hurt me, including my own self. I developed anger and depression. I was confused and had obsessive compulsive behavior. I was totally out of control. But still, deep inside my heart, I was crying out! “Help me please. Help me…help me, somebody help me!!!”
Sin kept taking me over and it was destroying me more and more. Every action I took had reactions that put me deep in more emotional pain. Getting older in age, I got into all kinds of bad legal situations that took me to jails (16 times), prison once, institutions (I had a total mental breakdown and went into a mental hospital) , and I was near death many times. It was like I was on a revolving door to hell and self-destruction. At times I cried out to God in moments where I myself felt God and the need to cry out to God. But sin and Satan were keeping me prisoner, destroying me. I was using cocaine, pills, alcohol, cigarettes, crack, heroine, acid, rush, speed, meth, and it progressed to more drugs and more alcohol abuse. I was intensely using drugs 24/7 with no sleep, no food, just more and more drugs and alcohol abuse.
Fighting and anger took over me and the lie took me captive and more sin was introduced to me and I was introduced to prostitution. I was involved in hooking, street living, drug dealing and all the while my addictions increased. I was addicted to making quick money and this increased more and more. But nothing was left for me but emptiness and more and more hurt. I felt hopeless, lonely, empty and discouraged. I was abandoned by all my family and friends. I lost self-respect and felt humiliation. I became emotionally broken, spiritually dead and cold as ice. I stopped feeling any emotions other than self-destruction and anger.
Finally, I had a death wish where I ended up attempting suicide a number of times. At one point I jumped off a building over 50 feet which caused such severe injuries that I was hospitalized and in a coma for 6 months and in a hospital for 2 ½ long years. Never once did any of my so called “friends” visit me. The suicide attempts still continued which brought me to a complete lockdown in mental hospitals and being heavily sedated by doctors. This was literally insanity.
After all this I finally hit rock bottom. One night I was back out on the street, homeless. I had no food, no money, nothing at all. I had lost my family, my kids, freedom and friends. I was in a real bad neighborhood. I went into this bad warehouse which was so bad and scary and life threatening. There were big rats in there. On September 5th, 2009, I was so hungry and weak, but I sent out my pimp and drug using partner to get us more drugs and alcohol which left me alone in the warehouse. I was walking around inside the warehouse looking for shelter from the rats and other bugs and I went looking at the empty cars that were left inside the warehouse. I saw a Holy Bible on the dash board of a Cadillac that was covered in dust. I got inside the car and took the Bible and I felt God’s power touch me, move me, and set me free in a real powerful way. I found my reading glasses and looked inside this Holy Bible. The scriptures opened my heart up to God. I read Isaiah 53 which says,
Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
[2] He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
[3] He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
[4] Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
[5] But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
[6] We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
[7] He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
[8] By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
[9] He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
[10] Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
[11] After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
[12] Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.
Halleluiah! Praise God! I know He is worthy and I am worthy. Halleluiah! Thank you Jesus, Thank you Father!
I learned that God’s grace is for me and for you! I went down on my knees inside that warehouse and I cried out to God with all my heart and I prayed to God in trust and with a humble heart, asking God for his forgiveness, confessing to God all my sins and believing in God and His power to forgive me and wash me and set me free in His love, mercy and grace. I got up from my knees, and as I got up, I felt like God took the blindness the devil had me living in from me. I felt the need to run and escape from that situation and I experienced God’s power and a life changing miracle in me. God set me free instantly from my sin and drug addictions and He gave me safety by placing me in His powerful hands - giving me His grace and the shield of His favor. God put a good Samaritan there, a bus driver that I could ask for help. Although I had no money, God moved the driver to help me. I got back home to a friend who got me a ride to my mother in Orlando.
I became clean and sober and found a wonderful church where godly, loving people made me feel loved and cared for. They gave me food and God’s Word and help and support and prayer. They introduced me to Celebrate Recovery. I prayed the sinner’s prayer and was baptized. The miracle was that I had no urge to drink or do drugs, I had no withdrawals.
Now I am seeking godly counseling through the Holy Bible and fellowship with godly people and going to Church services and staying involved. This is principle 7 - “Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will.” This is such an important step for more life change to happen. I have had a great life-changing experience but I am still a work in progress. Every day is a process to progress. Celebrate Recovery is so good and a God loving ministry for all people to come together and experience God’s power to change us. I encourage you to continue to focus on Jesus Christ and the Word of God at all times and receive your change experience today!
